Sunday, August 23, 2009

her heart

I find it funny how a person learns to love. Why is it that in so many cases a person learns to love what she cannot have. Offered everything in the world, could be painted and saved to treasure forever yet longs for the one thing she could never have. To be in a moment and feel more safe than ever, but inside her thoughts she is nowhere to be found. She is lost and lonely, in a world of secrets. Hidden secrets that make their love even more adventurous. That is it, you know, the not knowing part is what she craves. How boring it is to know an exact move or thought, to always feel safe and not to worry. Its the thrill she craves, the unknowing that keeps her interested. The chase, its always the chase. How stupid it seems when you think it out. Gather the thoughts, the worries, the minds...only to realize how young and typical it could seem. But nothing matters, its the moment, the feeling, the mystery that keeps the flame alive. It is that single flame that keeps her thoughts awake in the night. That single thought that will forever haunt her dreams, her heart, her mind. Time will soon allow it to burn, but until then she waits. And waiting she hates, but will remain in hope that for one instant the one thing that was never meant to be..could be...when they both realize that their secret as they both have been..are nothing more than the same.

Hiding from what she knows could be forever.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

A memory

"What can you say about this weather?"
The past few days have been nothing short of beautiful.

A moment, a memory, an inspiration brought me to complete tears. I remember a time in my life when being young was so easily becoming complicated. Yes, yes...I am still young and still learning. However, this memory I have..remains in my heart forever.

The weekend went by so quickly. Sunday night was the show and Blur. The boys did such a good job. It is amazing to hear and see their confidence change then watching the nerves and then watching the excitement combined into one. I didn't get home till late.
Craig has a younger brother...Alex. He is blind. It is amazing to me how much you can actually learn from a person. I cant imagine going though life blind. He is so smart, just sitting there listening to the boys play music. His thoughts amazed me. He took me in his room to show me every single toy airplane he owned. He knew the exact type just by touching it. He even put in a tape of sounds and played the one that sounded of planes...then acted it out with his toy models. I was speechless.
Can you imagine going through life not really knowing what an airplane looks like, or what anything looks like for that matter? I talked to him for a long time and felt more comfortable than ever. He didnt judge me by anything but my personality. That is a special gift. All people go by these days are looks and whats on the outside. Alex didn't care, he is only allowed to hear the real you.
He asked me in words so sincere to look for a girl for him to go to prom with. "Im a little shy at first, but we would have fun."
I wish that I could have written down word for word that experience. It is amazing to me how much I take things for granted. He is such a good person.

Many things are on my mind, but its late and Ive got to be up early tomorrow. Sharing with others spreads emotions. You never know whos heart you may touch, and thats wh is so important to speak your mind.

"I want to be able to close my eyes, and smile."

Sunday, August 2, 2009

she turned 22